Sunday, January 22, 2012

She can do WHAT?

It's incredible how some people latch onto a trend or a phrase without thinking about how stupid it is. Sort of like women who shave their eyebrows, then draw them back on. That wasn't a good idea in the 1930's and it still isn't.

The phrase I keep hearing has been around for a few years now, and it's one of the stupidest things I've ever heard. "She can suck a golf ball through a garden hose". Now, I'm sure a guy made this up and I'm assuming it's meant to describe a girl's passion for fellatio-okay, cock sucking. And I'm also assuming it's meant to turn a guy on, because, sadly, I've heard women say this about themselves, without even thinking about how stupid it is. But that's how trends are.

When I hear this phrase, am I supposed to image my dingus as the garden hose? And am I then supposed to imagine my testicles being sucked through my dick? And then what: the girl leaves and I'm left sitting there with my balls hanging out of the head of my dick? What the fuck good is that? It's a phrase that should strike a man with fear and keep him from any girl with that kind of reputation. I guess if you want it to sound a little less painful, maybe it should be "She can suck a golf ball through a garden hose, then blow it back through." Actually, it sounds painful both ways. What's also screwed up is that I know there are guys who would pay for that. Like those idiots who pay women to kick them in the balls. Sick bastards. They should know that a guy doesn't have to pay a woman for that.

"She can lick the chrome off the side of a trailer." Again, the girl leaves and I'm supposed to be left laying there with a skinless dick? Oh, yeah, I'm getting turned on just thinking about it. That's the kind of thing that happens if you get syphillis-skin just falls off your jammy. Some trends are good-like eating regularly and drinking lots of water. But most of them are just stupid and if a girl ever said either of those phrases to me, I'm heading for the hills. We should keep certain phrases alive, the ones that makes sense. Like a phrase from the great Yogi Berra who said "You can observe a lot just by watching". Pure genius.

Last one: "It's always in the last place you look". Uh, why would you keep looking after you've found it? DERRR!

Happy New Year, folks. Let's spend this year thinking of smart things to say.

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